So, I had a bit of a meltdown today. I woke up thinking, "what am I doing? and what was I thinking when I decided to become a creative writing major? I'm not a great writer!" I was also supposed to be meeting with my advisor today to finalize my portfolio. When I woke up this morning, I had one single piece in that portfolio and only one more meager story to put into it. I really didn't know how I was going to make it through the rest of the semester. And, more than anything, I was beginning to think that it was impossible for me to fulfill my dreams of ever becoming a writer.
There have been a few times in life where I have recognized that I needed help. This morning was one of those mornings. In the climax of my meltdown I texted my friend Jernae, who is also a writer, and said. I need some positive affirmation. She told me exactly what I needed to hear to walk into the meeting with my advisor with a bit more confidence. I handed her my flash fiction and she actually remember what story it was. (A good sign considering how many students she has to take care of, and how many stories she reads everyday.) Not only that but I now know what other stories I can put into my portfolio and I feel confident in doing so!
I haven't felt inadequate in my writing abilities for a while now thanks to all the prayers I've said to help me not be a perfectionist and to help me learn from my failures. I don't really know what my point was in writing this, other than to prove to myself that I'm not going to give up on my dreams. I know that this is what I'm supposed to be doing and I love it too much to ever quit. So, I shall send this message out into the ever growing void that is the internet and say, "Look out world! Because I'm one more person who believes in her dreams!"